Answer

Before the baby should cry hard again, set up a place that you and baby are safe emotionally and physically. It could be the baby's room or some place where you can lay baby down.

Okay, now when baby starts to cry hard, you need to do the routine of checking for wetness, is it hunger, is baby uncomfortable where baby is? If baby appears fine then pick the baby up in a familiar position, that is comfortable for you and baby and gently rock speaking very quietly to the baby even if you think the baby can't hear you. Do this until the baby starts to relax. After the baby has relaxed a few minutes lay baby down, but continue to rub the baby's side of his/her face and head gently and very lightly while still talking quietly. If you like singing , this is the time. Sing your heart out, but quietly! Keep stroking the baby until s/he falls asleep. If this is to become a routine then continue the routine but try for shorter periods of soothing time each time you relax your baby. What you have actually done is soothed your baby first through your own relaxed body language and then helped the baby soothe her/himself once your body is not available. When your baby wakes up it will be in a familiar place and that in itself is comforting for your baby.

Answer

Do you know why he is so defiant? Is there a predictability with his defiance? The place to start is your attitude first. What buttons is your toddler pushing unconsciously that sets you off?

Go through the 3 step model of self-communication:

1. What are you feeling, what is the strongest feeling coming up for you?
2. Why is this strong feeling happening, how is it triggered? What experiences have you lived that make you vulnerable to this trigger?
3. How do you honour the feelings that keeps your dignity and teaches your son about dignity?

Answer

You give only vegetables for snacks from now on out! You can put peanut butter and craisins on celery sticks to make ants on a log, you can make thin strips of carrots with a peanut butter dip (peanut butter and a little mayo), be creative and be prepared. But no more fruits or cookie type snacks. Keep this up until you believe your child has learned to acquire a taste for vegetables. At meal times, you serve the regular vegetables that you normally do but give your child a small portion. You need to have your child understand that no dessert until most of the main course is eaten. This is the core of nutrition for your child and it is the most important part of eating. The message you are giving is that the main course with vegetables included are not negotiable because of health concerns, so it becomes a predictable event in your child's life. If it takes weeks before your child learns the message, then so be it. Your child will not starve from choosing to be on a defiant diet because your child's body will take over real quick.

Answer

This is a big question. The important part of this question is, what do you want your kid to hear? If it's really important, then you set up the time and place and let your kid know there is going to be a family conference. Your kid's attendance is not negotiable. Before the conference write down 2 or 3 important things that you believe you need, not want your kid to know and understand. Try to make the important things very short and to the point. Then when you present them you will explain why they are important to you and why your kid needs to honour these important things. Rule of thumb: important things need to be based on emotional and physical safety. An example of emotional safety is not telling the whole truth. How this can turn into a risk situation for the whole family. A physical safety is high risk for infection with behaviours that are not hygienic.

Once you have shared with your kid the important things, you will ask your kids what is the natural consequence if these important things are dishonoured or disrespected? Negotiate the natural consequences, then follow through. It is predictable that your kids will challenge and test the negotiated natural consequences. Be prepared to follow through with them.

Answer

Your sexual experiences are your own. Especially the details. It would be violating the privacy of others if you were to share. Your obligation is to share what you learned from those experiences without giving details. But you will always need to ask yourself, why am I sharing this private information? Keep in mind the privacy of others and what is to be gained by my kid and myself if I were to share my sexual experiences. What do I need my kid to know? Why is it important for my kid to know this? How will it help with his/her own sexual exploration? Without these guidelines you may do more harm than good by sharing details of confidential information.

Do you have a question or need some help? Contact me directly at: melodie@kindkids.ca